Speaking of breaking limbs…

That’s the one. So after finishing my first full week of work in months I was needless to say a tad thirsty. I lashed home on the auld bicycle and after grabbing a quick bite and a shower I headed straight for the 40ft – The pub, not the swimming venue. Col was already there – good man – waiting for me at a table outside. I ordered a Becks Vier and sat down. While waiting for others to turn up I noticed Ron Atkinson walking towards us and into the bar. Col’s ranting that the guy looked nothing like Ron Atkinson can be attributed to his poor eyesight since we all know how good I am at identifying faces. Needless to say we both agreed that the waitress did look something like Katie Holmes. Soon I noticed two girls wandering around in what can only be described as promotional attire. Never one to pass up an opportunity to get something free I demanded to know what they were promoting. It appears that had I arrived earlier, I could have purchased a Grolsch and gotten a free burger or hot dog. Still it took only a minimal amount of sweet talking to persuade the promoter to give me a spare burger hanging around if I bought a Grolsch. I happily obliged and also filled out a card with my personal details in an attempt to win a BBQ from a draw. The draw occurred only moments later and the feckin girl came right up to me, looked into my eye and said “We have a winner!” Then she looked out to the table beside me and read out the winner’s name – Philip somebody. Talk about rubbing it in! Not too impressed at losing out to the guy sitting beside me I began to persuade myself that I didn’t want the BBQ anyway and that the BBQ itself was actually crap.

Soon Ems and Clare arrived and we moved inside as it was getting chilly and moving inside was inevitable and better to do it when there were seats still available inside. Slightly miffed that three whole sections of the pub were reserved for private parties on a Friday night we took a high table with several stools around it. We had the conversation about Turkey which is our primary reason for being there and having got that matter out of the way we proceeded with the Friday night boozing. A lot of people from Clare’s course ended up there too as well as Zoe and Jessica. Emsy was on flying form as usual with more quotes than I care to remember! One that springs to mind was her blurting out seemingly randomly “I’d love to milk a cow!” There was also the most incredibly random segueing, the details of which I can’t quite remember. Unfortunately neither does Col and so those details are more than likely lost forever. It was something like we were talking about someone breaking their arm and then Ems says “Speaking of broken limbs…” and then launched into a COMPLETELY different topic of conversation. If anyone has any further information on this point please let me know? Soon the group had reduced to Clare, Col, Ems, Zoe and I and we decided to head back to Ems’ Dad’s place where her sister Kate was having a party. Kate etc… were in The Coast and so we had to go there to obtain keys for the house. Clare drove and when we arrived at The Coast somebody got out meeting Kate to get the keys. I assumed it was Ems who had gone to meet her and seeing Kate herself walking towards the car I made some comments that weren’t intended for Emsy’s ears. Alas it appears it was Clare and not Ems that had gone to meet Kate and Ems was still in the back of the car. This was not to be the last slip of my tongue of the night. Before heading to Ems’s Dad’s place we had to stock up on the auld alcomohol. Col and I went into the Off License to get the stuff and I swore I saw Sophie, Zoe’s sister in there. As it turns out it wasn’t but we only discovered this after I exclaimed “Sophie!” and the girl had turned around. Finally it was onto out final destination.

The place clearly used to belong to a drug dealer as it was totally pimped out with a pole for pole dancing and everything. We set ourselves up on the downstairs level with out beers and had the banter. A good while later, Kate and her mates arrived back from The Coast. Disaster struck! As one of her friends was coming down the stairs, I thought to myself “Is that a guy or a girl?” Soon everybody was looking at me funnily and I realized with horror that I had said it out loud. I desperately tried to apologise but in doing so I dug the hole further and further. Then came the crushing blow. Clare apologised on my behalf on account of my drunkenness which made me furious. As many of you know the one way to get me angry is to say things like “Oh don’t worry about him, he’s drunk” or “Graham, you’ve a little too much to drink. Calm down”. This will have the opposite effect and enrage me further. Once this incident occurred, all hopes of enjoying the rest of the night were dashed. I stayed for a while longer but not being able to enjoy myself I eventually walked home around 4.15. By the time I reached Kilbogget Park, it was so late/early that it was as bright as day and so I was able to walk through it without fear of drug dealers pouncing on me. A disappointing end to an otherwise enjoyable evening.

Now away with ye…

Byron's Big Bad BBQ

I was working off a serious lack of sleep. Claire and Lisa had stayed over the night before and after getting to sleep around 9am I awoke at 12pm feeling perfectly rested and perky. Of course this feeling was short lived and I began to fade in the early afternoon. Although the house was in a mess, the luxury of my parents being away meant I was able to defer the cleaning to another unspecified point in the future. I watched England getting knocked out of the world cup which is always good and then headed to Byron’s for a BBQ. Earlier in the day I sounded Byron out about bringing food and drink and he assured me that if I were to bring drink I would be well looked after on the food front. Bearing that in mind, I set off at 7 with a 10 pack of bottled Bavaria and a six pack of canned Bavaria. Good old Dublin Bus pulled through once more and I and Cakes (who I had met at the bus stop) were waiting for well over an hour. By the time we arrived at Byron’s it was almost 9pm! Still I was well up for a beer at this stage and cracked into them before you could say BYRN! Perhaps it was due to the late arrival of my bus but I somehow always suspected that Byron’s claims of there being enough food for everyone were a bit sketchy. Sure enough as I arrived, the last of the burgers and sausages were being polished off. Never mind though, I stuffed a pitta bread full of re-fried beans and salsa and it kept me ticking over. The vibe was nice and relaxed, perfect considering the night I had before. Had a good auld chat with Sam re things like Mr. McCaughan, Theoretical Physics, Karima and pelvis-cracking!

Soon Col and Aily turned up and at about 2am it was only us three and Byron left. We figured we had outstayed our welcome and headed back to mine in Aily’s car for more fun and games. As usual we stopped off at the Esso and this time it was Col’s turn to make a scene. He found himself stood in front of the household accessories section and felt compelled to buy a pack of rubber bands on the strength of them being of price code ‘G’. Back at the gaff we George Foremaned some delicious looking sausage things that Aily had bought in a random shop but unfortunately the reality turned out to be quiet different. They were minging! Even Roger coming home in a drunken hungry state at 6.30am couldn’t manage to eat one! Col with his general lack of respect for taste didn’t even try one and while Aily and I were force feeding ourselves these sausages, Col was busy covering himself in the rubber bands he bought. He covered his arms and legs with them before getting bored and ripping them off in his usual drunken violent manner. Then Col and I skanked it up in the kitchen to a couple of madness tunes before retiring to the living room for drinks and chat. Eventually I threw Col into the spare room and we all went to bed. Nice.

Now away with ye…

Final Results

I had spent the last week chilling with my folks and bro in hot and sunny Barcelona. Upon arrival home in Dublin I was greeted by my exam results. Although the results were ones to be pleased about, the week of debauchery in Barcelona left me with feelings of fatigue and not wanting to go out. I reluctantly took up Aideen’s invitation, via Fi, to her party (The reluctance was on account of my aforementioned fatigue rather than any lack of will). I presumed that once I got there and cracked into one or two brewskis I would liven up as is usually the case however I still only planned to stay for a couple of hours. I should never have expected to get away with not going out on the night of getting our exam results and it wasn’t long before I was getting calls from multiple members of my class insisting that I go out. Far be it from me to disappoint and so I caught the last bus into town from Aideen’s.

The first stop was in Hogan’s on George’s St. to meet Claire and Lis. By the time I had arrived they had already been approached by two blokes! Unfortunately it seemed the blokes weren’t making much headway because as soon as I arrived, the two girls jumped at the opportunity to run out to the atm and leave me all alone with the two random blokes. This wasn’t so bad since they were both good craic however this trip to the atm turned out to be a half an hour sightseeing tour of Dublin! In the end I had to call them and tell them to get their asses back to the pub. In the meantime, I had discovered that one of the fellas, an Americano-Italio, was a jazz guitarist. Being in a slightly less than sober state I was seriously impressed and after showing great interest in his gig on Monday I gave him my number. He promised he would text me to remind me the whereabouts and time of his gig because as we all know memory isn’t my strong point! So the guys got bored waiting for Claire and Lis and headed off before they got back leaving me on my own for a few minutes. During this time I spotted a girl behind the bar who I was sure I had seen somewhere before. I approached her and asked her had she been to any Present Arms gigs since she looked like the ska type. The answer was no. Just then, Claire and Lis returned. After a while chatting to the girls I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked around and who do I see? None other than Colleeeeee! Amazed that he would coincidentally turn up at the same pub as me I asked him how he knew I was in Hogan’s. It turns out, rather embarrassingly, that I had texted him not 10 minutes earlier telling him we were in Hogan’s and completely forgotten! Oh Dear. It was at this point I got an inkling that the night might not be the short couple of drinks I had originally intended. More evidence of memory loss presented itself when my phone alerted me to a new text message. It was from JennieFlynn and although I could remember texting her a few minutes previously, the body of the message was beyond my memory recall abilities. Thanks to a further inability to access my sent messages folder to see what I actually had written, I was forced to simply reply and admit that I couldn’t remember my original message.

Unfortunately Col wasn’t in a position to hang around and so as he left, the two girls and I headed for The Palace *groan* to meet up with more MSISS heads. As usual, going to the palace resulted in nothing but bother and agro. For a start it was full. Then Lisa’s sister was passing cloakroom armbands through the fence to us so we could try and get in. I was extremely against this as The Palace is never worth arguing with a bouncer for. Still we tried and Lisa got in but Claire and I were not so lucky (or unlucky if you ask me). So Claire and I were off to down under and for a while it seemed like the night was going nowhere. Just then we bumped into Clare and Mark and after a good chat with them, Lisa called advising us to return to the palace. Since down under wasn’t letting any more people in either we figured we had nothing to lose. Amazingly, this time it worked! All of a sudden we found ourselves upstairs in the palace with Si, Redser, Derek and Rob. Despite a severe lack of respect for The Palace it was good to see come of the class. At this stage it was close to closing time and it wasn’t long before we were kicked out by bouncers. Not a minute to soon if you ask me!

After a long time arseing about on Leeson St, I decided that I was going for the 4am 84N and I was taking the girls with me. At first they were reluctant but I soon won them over with my boyish charm ;) We only just made the bus and on it we met Cakes and Zoe on their way back from a night in Fitzsimon’s. When we got off the bus we dropped by the Esso. Lisa picked up a pack of Phileas Fogg and was at the counter when she decided she needed dip. Mild salsa dip. Aware of causing a scene I quickly located a jar of Phileas Fogg mild salsa. “No No No!”, Lisa exclaimed. “Take it back! I don’t want it.” I tried reasoning with her that it was mild salsa dip just as she had requested but it was no use. Lisa only wanted Doritos brand salsa. Sheesh! I never knew she was such a salsa connoisseur. I reckoned it was time to get her out of there ASAP and after grabbing a couple of pizzas we departed for my gaff. On the way we bumped into Cakes again having a ‘moke outside his gaff and took him along for the ride too. On the walk to mine, Lisa entertained us by talking about her Chinese colleagues. The conversation was too funny yielding such quotes as “They’re deadly at cleaning in Taylor’s. They clean under the floorboards because they’re so dedicated to Taylor’s” and “Chen is lovely but Ying has acne!” Obviously I can’t remember their real names so just replace Chen and Ying with arbitrary Chinese names.

Back at mine, I scoured the house for beer. I managed to rustle up 8 bottles and together with the pizzas and phileas fogg made a nice snack. The most logical thing to do seemed to be to call everyone in our class even though it was well after 5.30. Only Ronan answered (tit!) but was happy enough to engage in lengthy talks with myself, Lisa and Claire, possibly even Cakes too (unconfirmed). I do feel slightly bad about calling Rob’s house phone though knowing him he some tracking satellite and knew it was us calling even before we dialed the number. After watching VH1 for a while we put on Shaun of the Dead. At this stage it was late (or early!) and very bright and we were all fading by the end. At 8.30 it was bed time so I kicked Cakes out, put Lisa up in the spare room and left Claire on the couch. Graham Thomas, B.A. (Mod) :)

Now away with ye…