That’s the one. So after finishing my first full week of work in months I was needless to say a tad thirsty. I lashed home on the auld bicycle and after grabbing a quick bite and a shower I headed straight for the 40ft – The pub, not the swimming venue. Col was already there – good man – waiting for me at a table outside. I ordered a Becks Vier and sat down. While waiting for others to turn up I noticed Ron Atkinson walking towards us and into the bar. Col’s ranting that the guy looked nothing like Ron Atkinson can be attributed to his poor eyesight since we all know how good I am at identifying faces. Needless to say we both agreed that the waitress did look something like Katie Holmes. Soon I noticed two girls wandering around in what can only be described as promotional attire. Never one to pass up an opportunity to get something free I demanded to know what they were promoting. It appears that had I arrived earlier, I could have purchased a Grolsch and gotten a free burger or hot dog. Still it took only a minimal amount of sweet talking to persuade the promoter to give me a spare burger hanging around if I bought a Grolsch. I happily obliged and also filled out a card with my personal details in an attempt to win a BBQ from a draw. The draw occurred only moments later and the feckin girl came right up to me, looked into my eye and said “We have a winner!” Then she looked out to the table beside me and read out the winner’s name – Philip somebody. Talk about rubbing it in! Not too impressed at losing out to the guy sitting beside me I began to persuade myself that I didn’t want the BBQ anyway and that the BBQ itself was actually crap.
Soon Ems and Clare arrived and we moved inside as it was getting chilly and moving inside was inevitable and better to do it when there were seats still available inside. Slightly miffed that three whole sections of the pub were reserved for private parties on a Friday night we took a high table with several stools around it. We had the conversation about Turkey which is our primary reason for being there and having got that matter out of the way we proceeded with the Friday night boozing. A lot of people from Clare’s course ended up there too as well as Zoe and Jessica. Emsy was on flying form as usual with more quotes than I care to remember! One that springs to mind was her blurting out seemingly randomly “I’d love to milk a cow!” There was also the most incredibly random segueing, the details of which I can’t quite remember. Unfortunately neither does Col and so those details are more than likely lost forever. It was something like we were talking about someone breaking their arm and then Ems says “Speaking of broken limbs…” and then launched into a COMPLETELY different topic of conversation. If anyone has any further information on this point please let me know? Soon the group had reduced to Clare, Col, Ems, Zoe and I and we decided to head back to Ems’ Dad’s place where her sister Kate was having a party. Kate etc… were in The Coast and so we had to go there to obtain keys for the house. Clare drove and when we arrived at The Coast somebody got out meeting Kate to get the keys. I assumed it was Ems who had gone to meet her and seeing Kate herself walking towards the car I made some comments that weren’t intended for Emsy’s ears. Alas it appears it was Clare and not Ems that had gone to meet Kate and Ems was still in the back of the car. This was not to be the last slip of my tongue of the night. Before heading to Ems’s Dad’s place we had to stock up on the auld alcomohol. Col and I went into the Off License to get the stuff and I swore I saw Sophie, Zoe’s sister in there. As it turns out it wasn’t but we only discovered this after I exclaimed “Sophie!” and the girl had turned around. Finally it was onto out final destination.
The place clearly used to belong to a drug dealer as it was totally pimped out with a pole for pole dancing and everything. We set ourselves up on the downstairs level with out beers and had the banter. A good while later, Kate and her mates arrived back from The Coast. Disaster struck! As one of her friends was coming down the stairs, I thought to myself “Is that a guy or a girl?” Soon everybody was looking at me funnily and I realized with horror that I had said it out loud. I desperately tried to apologise but in doing so I dug the hole further and further. Then came the crushing blow. Clare apologised on my behalf on account of my drunkenness which made me furious. As many of you know the one way to get me angry is to say things like “Oh don’t worry about him, he’s drunk” or “Graham, you’ve a little too much to drink. Calm down”. This will have the opposite effect and enrage me further. Once this incident occurred, all hopes of enjoying the rest of the night were dashed. I stayed for a while longer but not being able to enjoy myself I eventually walked home around 4.15. By the time I reached Kilbogget Park, it was so late/early that it was as bright as day and so I was able to walk through it without fear of drug dealers pouncing on me. A disappointing end to an otherwise enjoyable evening.
Now away with ye…
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